Tuesday, February 21, 2006
The Indiscretion of Youth
Stephanie, is a single mom of a 15 year old boy, and she's my friend. Josh, the son, never knew his dad, who died when he was a baby. Stephanie has always been concerned about the absence of a father in his life. Like any mom, she wants more than anything for Josh to grow up to be a well adjusted, confident person whose character is lacking nothing.
With considerable prayer and deliberation, Stephanie decided to provide a Christian education for Josh. She was moved by the mission of Troy Christian Schools which states, "We exist to uphold God’s truth as we assist parents in the education of their children’s minds and the transformation of their hearts in a Christ-centered learning environment," and "The heart of education is the education of the heart. (Luke 6:45)" Upon admission, they discussed being a “family” as they worked together to not only provide academic training, but spiritual training as well. Josh started first grade in this community and never looked back. Over the years, he became very connected - like family. Significant sacrifices were made to keep Josh in this setting, but he's worth it.
In early February, an upper classman friend called Josh crying. She was a senior and was distraught. The crying friend requested Josh call another student to vent her anger. Josh made the call from home, on the weekend (he thought anonymously). It did not involve the school in any way, but since the school community is a ’family’ they became involved. Josh had used inappropriate language and content. It was ugly.
Josh was suspended from school. At the completion of the suspension, Steph and Josh met with the administration of the school to discuss the situation. It went as you would hope it would go. They began the meeting with prayer, requesting wisdom. They held Josh accountable for his inappropriate behavior. They asked him why they should allow him to continue to be a student at this institution, reminding him he was attending a private school with Christian standards.
Josh informed the administration that he had apologized to the girl he had offended. He acknowledged that the call was offensive and wrong. He was sorry. He signed a contract that he would never participate in this type of activity again. He agreed to meet with the school counsellor. He would do 20 hours of community serivce.
Following their own standard of, 'SALT: Speak, Act, Look, and Think like Jesus', they placed hands on his shoulders and said, “We extend grace to you because Jesus extended grace to us.” He was appreciative. To err is human; to forgive is divine. The meeting ended with an embrace.
On the way home Stephanie received a phone call from the principal. “I’ve changed my mind. Josh is not Troy Christian material.” Steph, stammering, asked, “But, what about grace?” The principal replied, “I didn’t feel good about it.” The options presented were to withdraw or be expelled.
It seems to me that so many aspect of this story are very wrong:
First, the decision to make the call was wrong. The language, tone and content - yep, everything about it was wrong.
Secondly, taking the issue to the school was, in my view, not the best decision. I have not had contact with the offended family, but I think if my daughter got an abusive telephone call and I could identify the kid who did it, he’d be dealing with me in a VERY DIRECT way. There would be no misunderstanding possible when I showed up at his door. I suspect he’d remove our number from his telephone directory - and fast!
Mostly, the administration extending grace, only to revoke it an hour later - that’s wrong! It shocks me that the principal transferred his judgment from the offensive behavior and went straight to character assassination; he's just not "Troy Christian Material." What, exactly, does that mean?
Steph approached the school to inquire about using the school's home school network. She hoped to access the curriculum to finish out the school year. They said no. The school had no concern for his academic progress, spiritual growth, or even fulfilling the contract they had just initiated. He had been kicked to the curb.
“Josh is not Troy Christian material.” In light of recent events, I hope not. ¶ 4:42 PM
With considerable prayer and deliberation, Stephanie decided to provide a Christian education for Josh. She was moved by the mission of Troy Christian Schools which states, "We exist to uphold God’s truth as we assist parents in the education of their children’s minds and the transformation of their hearts in a Christ-centered learning environment," and "The heart of education is the education of the heart. (Luke 6:45)" Upon admission, they discussed being a “family” as they worked together to not only provide academic training, but spiritual training as well. Josh started first grade in this community and never looked back. Over the years, he became very connected - like family. Significant sacrifices were made to keep Josh in this setting, but he's worth it.
In early February, an upper classman friend called Josh crying. She was a senior and was distraught. The crying friend requested Josh call another student to vent her anger. Josh made the call from home, on the weekend (he thought anonymously). It did not involve the school in any way, but since the school community is a ’family’ they became involved. Josh had used inappropriate language and content. It was ugly.
Josh was suspended from school. At the completion of the suspension, Steph and Josh met with the administration of the school to discuss the situation. It went as you would hope it would go. They began the meeting with prayer, requesting wisdom. They held Josh accountable for his inappropriate behavior. They asked him why they should allow him to continue to be a student at this institution, reminding him he was attending a private school with Christian standards.
Josh informed the administration that he had apologized to the girl he had offended. He acknowledged that the call was offensive and wrong. He was sorry. He signed a contract that he would never participate in this type of activity again. He agreed to meet with the school counsellor. He would do 20 hours of community serivce.
Following their own standard of, 'SALT: Speak, Act, Look, and Think like Jesus', they placed hands on his shoulders and said, “We extend grace to you because Jesus extended grace to us.” He was appreciative. To err is human; to forgive is divine. The meeting ended with an embrace.
On the way home Stephanie received a phone call from the principal. “I’ve changed my mind. Josh is not Troy Christian material.” Steph, stammering, asked, “But, what about grace?” The principal replied, “I didn’t feel good about it.” The options presented were to withdraw or be expelled.
It seems to me that so many aspect of this story are very wrong:
First, the decision to make the call was wrong. The language, tone and content - yep, everything about it was wrong.
Secondly, taking the issue to the school was, in my view, not the best decision. I have not had contact with the offended family, but I think if my daughter got an abusive telephone call and I could identify the kid who did it, he’d be dealing with me in a VERY DIRECT way. There would be no misunderstanding possible when I showed up at his door. I suspect he’d remove our number from his telephone directory - and fast!
Mostly, the administration extending grace, only to revoke it an hour later - that’s wrong! It shocks me that the principal transferred his judgment from the offensive behavior and went straight to character assassination; he's just not "Troy Christian Material." What, exactly, does that mean?
Steph approached the school to inquire about using the school's home school network. She hoped to access the curriculum to finish out the school year. They said no. The school had no concern for his academic progress, spiritual growth, or even fulfilling the contract they had just initiated. He had been kicked to the curb.
“Josh is not Troy Christian material.” In light of recent events, I hope not. ¶ 4:42 PM
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Doug,
The situation you cite has the same judgemental flavor.
It makes me shake my head and wonder how anyone ever sees the real Jesus in our culture!
Stephanie is praying about what to do next. She doesn't want to appeal the decision, but does want to confront the school about not being consistent with their mission. She's considering a letter to each member of the board and administration. I think they should appologize to Josh.
Perhaps a threat of going to the newspaper would make an appology possible. What would you do?
The situation you cite has the same judgemental flavor.
It makes me shake my head and wonder how anyone ever sees the real Jesus in our culture!
Stephanie is praying about what to do next. She doesn't want to appeal the decision, but does want to confront the school about not being consistent with their mission. She's considering a letter to each member of the board and administration. I think they should appologize to Josh.
Perhaps a threat of going to the newspaper would make an appology possible. What would you do?
This makes me sick to my stomach! What hypocrites! It makes me wonder if the offended parent didn't have some pull there. You'd better believe I'd be writing letters to every member of the board and administration. I would be very tempted to call the newspaper and television about it, too. But the only thing that would result is giving the world one more reason (like they need one) to reject the Lord. And a forced apology is really no apology at all. Stephanie should read the encounters Jesus had with Pharisees to Josh and help him see that the problem is theirs, not his.
Julie- In my opinion...
Far too often preachers, pastors, elders, Christian school principals and other church leaders do not seriously grapple with the implications of Jesus' life. Consequently, they do not seriously grapple with what he wants the church to do. What would our churches and schools be like if we were to come at some of these decisions with open Bibles and seriously look at the way of Jesus. Would the decision come out differently?
Most of us say (with all sincerity) that we love Jesus. Yet, we do a good job of dismissing, ignoring, forgetting, etc. some of his teachings which really challenge us. (Yes, I know that is a sweeping generalization but I think it more often true than not).
It is time that these churches and schools we are apart of stop trying to figure out how to oil the machinery so that we will run more smoothly and start asking the hard Jesus questions.
Generally, I don't think Christians would like Jesus if he showed up today as he did 2,000 years ago.
I think most of Christianity as practiced today has very little to do with the real Jesus...
it is sad.
tim
Far too often preachers, pastors, elders, Christian school principals and other church leaders do not seriously grapple with the implications of Jesus' life. Consequently, they do not seriously grapple with what he wants the church to do. What would our churches and schools be like if we were to come at some of these decisions with open Bibles and seriously look at the way of Jesus. Would the decision come out differently?
Most of us say (with all sincerity) that we love Jesus. Yet, we do a good job of dismissing, ignoring, forgetting, etc. some of his teachings which really challenge us. (Yes, I know that is a sweeping generalization but I think it more often true than not).
It is time that these churches and schools we are apart of stop trying to figure out how to oil the machinery so that we will run more smoothly and start asking the hard Jesus questions.
Generally, I don't think Christians would like Jesus if he showed up today as he did 2,000 years ago.
I think most of Christianity as practiced today has very little to do with the real Jesus...
it is sad.
tim
# posted by 
: 12:04 PM
: 12:04 PM
Best thing ever happened to J. ...to get booted out of THAT school. Why do you feel that the secular (State) schools are so bad? Because they are not judgemental? Because they are not hypocrites? (We have seen the evil, and it is petty politics and using children as pawns. Have you EVER seen anything more evil than that?) Why write nasty letters to try to get the kid back into such a toxic environment? He is well shed of it. I'll bet he has a perfectly good church he can go to after school for his spiritual education.....clearly his spirit will simply be crushed at Troy!
So, sorry, I don't agree with trying to appeal the Dean's decision. Just get him enrolled in a state school, and love him to death! The less you have to do with evil, the less trouble you will have.
Just my 2 cents!
Stag.
(feeling morose because Canada lost to the Russians this evening in Torino! Bah..humbug....)
So, sorry, I don't agree with trying to appeal the Dean's decision. Just get him enrolled in a state school, and love him to death! The less you have to do with evil, the less trouble you will have.
Just my 2 cents!
Stag.
(feeling morose because Canada lost to the Russians this evening in Torino! Bah..humbug....)
Friends, thanks for all the great feedback!
Jennifer - I agree that publicity wouldn't serve anyone at this point. Jesus' response to the Pharisees might be helpful for Josh though.
Doug - You're probably right. The liklihood that the administration would see their mean-spirited attitude is unlikely.
Tim - How will people ever see Jesus with the mass of false images?
Stag - Stephanie is hopeful they will see their error; she knows so many kids still there and wants to try to make a difference.
As for Josh: he is attending the local public school and (last I heard) thinks it's great. The girls think he's hot!! What else can we hope for?
Thanks for weighing in!
Jennifer - I agree that publicity wouldn't serve anyone at this point. Jesus' response to the Pharisees might be helpful for Josh though.
Doug - You're probably right. The liklihood that the administration would see their mean-spirited attitude is unlikely.
Tim - How will people ever see Jesus with the mass of false images?
Stag - Stephanie is hopeful they will see their error; she knows so many kids still there and wants to try to make a difference.
As for Josh: he is attending the local public school and (last I heard) thinks it's great. The girls think he's hot!! What else can we hope for?
Thanks for weighing in!
Julie, I'm late to the party, but thought I'd throw in something here...
This is really a warning that before you become involved in a private school (or church, for that matter) it never hurts to research their standards and bylaws. I wonder if this school had a "no tolerance" policy like many do. I'm not excusing the behavior (since they did go back on their word, which is clearly morally wrong), but they may have provisions that allow this. Buyer beware! Same goes for churches... someting I'm experiencing first hand (only in my case, I think they went way outside their own lines).
The tragedy here is what this might have done to Josh's faith (in other humans who claim to be Christians)! I struggle daily with this still.
This is really a warning that before you become involved in a private school (or church, for that matter) it never hurts to research their standards and bylaws. I wonder if this school had a "no tolerance" policy like many do. I'm not excusing the behavior (since they did go back on their word, which is clearly morally wrong), but they may have provisions that allow this. Buyer beware! Same goes for churches... someting I'm experiencing first hand (only in my case, I think they went way outside their own lines).
The tragedy here is what this might have done to Josh's faith (in other humans who claim to be Christians)! I struggle daily with this still.
Chris,
You may be right - there could be some policy in place.
I had a conversation recently with a parent who said, 'Why should we allow problem kids in our private schools to influence our kids?' I had a difficult time understanding this us-vs-them mentality.
Fortunately, Josh seems to be doing OK.
You may be right - there could be some policy in place.
I had a conversation recently with a parent who said, 'Why should we allow problem kids in our private schools to influence our kids?' I had a difficult time understanding this us-vs-them mentality.
Fortunately, Josh seems to be doing OK.
I ran across this blog post on March 30, and the first thing I did was to search the school's website to see what their policies are. Assuming this is the same Troy Christian School, they have a policy prohibiting harrassment which they may have applied in this situation.
Independent of this particular incident, it's fascinating to read this policy and to realize that it came from a Christian school. The policy (which I suspect was copied from some type of standard state harrassment policy) is all law and no gospel.
Last year I posted several times about Ontario Christian School, which expelled a student because her parents were lesbian.
It's interesting to note that both Ontario Christian and Troy Christian are independent schools, not affiliated with a particular church congregation. (I don't know if the school of Human Bean's friend falls into the same category.) I wonder if that's part of the problem?
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Independent of this particular incident, it's fascinating to read this policy and to realize that it came from a Christian school. The policy (which I suspect was copied from some type of standard state harrassment policy) is all law and no gospel.
Last year I posted several times about Ontario Christian School, which expelled a student because her parents were lesbian.
It's interesting to note that both Ontario Christian and Troy Christian are independent schools, not affiliated with a particular church congregation. (I don't know if the school of Human Bean's friend falls into the same category.) I wonder if that's part of the problem?
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